I wanna new drug

I’ve been on Paxil for several years to help me sleep, and it works fairly well as a sleeping pill, but does very little for my social anxiety. My therapist told me she wants me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist so I can try a new medication. I was reluctant and told her that I only wanted medication to help me sleep and that I could deal with the anxiety without drugs. Thinking about it, the way I deal with my social anxiety is by not socializing. Perhaps a new medication will make me want to get out into the world a little more.

So I made an appointment with my doctor. I tried to make an appointment with the psychiatrist that put me on Paxil in the first place but they never returned my phone call. It generally takes at least a month to actually get an appointment with him. He’s a good doctor but it’s much more efficient to just do the research myself and then get my family practitioner to write me a prescription.

So now to do the research. My psychologist told me some of her patients had good results with Wellbutrin and Cymbalta.

Wellbutrin is a norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor while Paxil is selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor. Why do we want to inhibit the reuptake of these brain chemicals in the first place? Apparently, it allows the chemicals to remain in the synapse for a longer period of time, which promotes the absorption of said chemical by the receptors.

Seratonin promotes a feeling of well being so an SSRI should make you feel better about yourself. So goes the theory, anyway. Like the engineering expression “it works on paper,” it sounds good in theory, but our brains aren’t that simple. I can’t say that Paxil gives me a feeling of well being, but being able to sleep definitely makes me feel better about myself. Maybe it’s just inhibiting the reuptake of the wrong seratonin. A different SSRI may provide different results.

Norepinephrine is responsible for the “fight or flight” response to sensory input. I already have the fight or flight reaction to social situations so how could taking a medication that triggers this response help? Hmmmmm… On further reading, norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors are often prescribed to people with ADHD to help with their concentration. I have very poor concentration so something that helped with that might be good. So norepinephrine may help with social anxiety by providing more energy and better concentration.

Dopamine inhibits the release of prolactin, which is a peptide hormone primarily associated with lactation. Okay… I guess if I was lactating, that would be the source of some anxiety, but being a (relatively) healthy man, don’t think I’ve ever lactated. It also helps with cognition functions such as memory, attention, and problem solving. So if I take it, it will make me smarter? That would be nice, although I think I’m smart enough to know that a pill is not going to make me smarter.

Some of the effects of norepinephrine and dopamine seem to be similar to that of speed. I used to take crystal-meth a long time ago. A-HA! Methamphetamine enters the brain and triggers a cascading release of norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin!

My brain hurts. I think I’ll take a break and do some work. To be continued…

I did a bad thing

We have a four year old German Shepard who sometimes gets aggressive towards other dogs. We got her from my bother-in-law who couldn’t keep her because she didn’t get along with his other dog. I’ve spent a lot of time getting her under voice command and she’s become a good pet.

Scooter (our dog) loves to run. I usually take her for her evening walk after 9:00 in the evening when it’s usually quiet at the park down the street. She walks by my side without being on a leash until we get to the park, at which time I let her run around if there’s no one around.

Well, last night, it appeared that we had the park to ourselves but it turned out, there was a young woman walking her little dog but I didn’t see her because she was behind a group of trees. Scooter went after the little dog. The woman tried to separate the two as I ran yelling “NO, SCOOTER!!! NO!”

When I finally got there, the woman was curled up crying. Scooter had bitten her on the knee but was now just sitting calmly as if she were the perfect angel.

I tried to comfort the woman. It wasn’t a bad bite but the skin was pierced. I offered to take her to the hospital but instead, she wanted to call the condo security. We live in the housing complex on one side of the park and she lives in the condo complex on the other side.

So she called security and the woman from security called the police and paramedics. Soon a firetruck arrived and the firemen administered emergency first aid. They put her on oxygen and cleaned the bite marks. Two police cars arrived a few minutes later followed by the paramedics. I stood watching about twenty feet away with Scooter.

The emergency workers were joking with the young woman and she seemed to cheer up from all the attention. I watched, not saying anything, feeling like a dumb bully. Once of the cops came over to take my name and birth date. A paramedic came over to tell me the woman would be alright. I knew that. It wasn’t a bad bite and she was more scared than anything.

After it was determined that the woman was alright, one by one, the emergency workers left until I was the only one left. I was expecting to be arrested and my dog taken to the pound, but everyone just left us standing there. I didn’t want to leave, thinking I’d be fleeing the crime scene. I walked down to the corner to see if any of the cops were down there, but everyone was gone, so I went home.

That wasn’t the first time Scooter had gone after another dog. I think that might be just the way she plays and when the other dog responds aggressively, she fights back. Otherwise, they just jump on each other, playing. Obviously, it’s not apparent to the other dog or its owner. Once, Scooter went after another dog and that dog responded by biting me.

Our dogs become like our children. We love them and see things with a bias towards them. If another dog had attacked Scooter, I’d be outraged. This is the first time she had ever bit someone and it will be the last time something like that happens. From now on, she stays on a leash. No more running free except for in our back yard. Maybe after she gets old and slows down she’ll be able to run off the leash again, but right now she has too much aggressive energy.

Tranquility

I found myself in a deep funk the other day. I guess that what some people refer to as depression, but I like the word “funk” a lot better. It doesn’t have the stigma of a mental disorder.

Like most people, things get to me once in a while — especially things that feel like people you love let you down and maybe don’t really love you. That’s how I felt the other night. I took the dog for a walk and took my time, enjoying watching her run around, but the funk remained. I watched part of a video but couldn’t really get into it because of the funk. I even sang a little karaoke to the on-demand karaoke we get with our cable subscription. Even the dog seemed frustrated with me. I was frustrated with myself.

So I went upstairs to my meditation room and sat down for 20 minutes of meditation. With my attention focused on the sensation of air passing through my nostrils, the timer gong sounded. The air felt cool and fresh. It’s like being out in nature sometimes. We are part of nature and we are all connected. The air that I was breathing is no different than the air the millionaires breathe or the air that homeless people who live under bridges downtown breathe (although some might have more carbon monoxide in it as well as particulate matter and other pollutants). But it’s basically just recycled air. It’s a bond that we all have.

Feeling the joy of breathing is one of the great pleasures in life if you take the time to enjoy it. Kneeling with my meditation bench in meditation, I felt the funk begin to lift. My mind became as clear as the air I was breathing. It was like a fog lifting and suddenly everything became perfectly clear. I saw my problems for what they were suddenly they were no longer problems. They were simply mind objects that could be accepted and observed like the air passing through my nostrils.

Worry and (dis)respect

It is said that when you love someone you worry about them. Indeed that’s true, sometimes to the extent that we would rather have something happen to ourselves than our loved one. But there are also times when it could also be a sign of disrespect. They don’t have confidence in your ability to handle yourself.

That’s how I felt as a child. If I would stay out a little late, I would get chewed out to the point of tears about how inconsiderate I was — that the world didn’t revolve around me — that I had to think of other people once in a while. What exactly was my mother worried that would happen to me? That someone would hurt me? That’s exactly what she was doing.

No one ever hurt me outside of my family when I was growing up. Sure, I got into a few fights like any boy and had the usual bumps and bruises, but the only injuries that had any long lasting pain and suffering came from my family. Some have persisted until this day, although I’ve learned to deal with them through insight, understanding, and forgiveness. By forgiveness, I don’t just mean forgiving the people who hurt me. Forgiveness is also forgiving myself for letting it happen and for letting it eat me alive for so many years.

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” I’m not sure who exactly originated that saying, but it rings true. We can’t change the past. We have to accept it for what it is and move forward.

What if Obama had done business with the bin Laden family?

It’s well documented that the Bush family has a long history of business dealings with the family of the person responsible for the deaths of almost 3000 Americans, yet we never heard more than a whisper from the mainstream media about it. All this feigned outrage over the Rev. Wright’s statements would be nothing compared to the uproar we’d hear if Obama had done business with the bin Laden family.

So why is Obama’s relationship to his pastor such a big story? His pastor never killed anyone or destroyed any buildings. Sure, he’s made some controversial statements, but so what? He was like a father to Obama who grew up without a father.

New TV/Computer monitor technology

The Sony OLED TV monitor is wafer thin and provides superior picture quality compared to other existing technologies. It’s fairly expensive right now, but the price will come down as more companies introduce their own versions and manufacturing becomes more efficient.

LED seems to be the future of monitors. DLP LEDs were very expensive just a year ago but now the 50″ Samsung DLP LED is selling for just over $1000. With the OLED, you don’t have the bulk of a DLP. This may be a good technology for electronic readers, also. The Amazon Kindle has been back ordered for quite a while. Hopefully other companies will get on the ball and recognize the demand.

OLED story

The candidates on the issues: abortion

Last night’s debate was pathetic. There was very little talk on the actual issues. It was more about fending off gossip.

So we’re going to look at the actual issues here from the perspective of the elements of the Buddhist Noble Path — specifically Right View, Right Intention, Right Action, and Right Speech. We’ll rate the candidates on a scale of 1 - 5. Note: the ratings are my own and may or may not reflect the views of other Theravada Buddhist practitioners.

We’ll go in alphabetical order on the issues, beginning with abortion. Here are the candidate’s positions on abortion:

Hillary Clinton
Will sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act, which would codify Roe v. Wade into federal law. Would overturn the “global gag rule,” which prohibits Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) from talking about abortion in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Voted against the Prohibit Partial Birth Abortion bill in 2003. Did not cast a vote on Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007. Disagreed with Supreme Court ruling to uphold the “Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act.”

Barack Obama
Opposes any constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court’s decision in Roe v Wade. Disagreed with Supreme Court ruling to uphold the “Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act.” Did not cast a vote on Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007.

John McCain
Voted for the Prohibit Partial Birth Abortion bill in 2003 and “yes” for Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007. Believes Roe v. Wade is a flawed decision that must be overturned. Supports Supreme Court ruling upholding the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act.

Right Understanding

Partial birth abortions only occur in very rare instances — usually when the health of the mother is at risk. Commonly performed abortions are usually performed during the first few months of pregnancy and since the baby cannot survive on its own, it is part of the mother and it should be left to the mother to decide. Both Clinton and Obama have right understanding, McCain doesn’t.
Clinton - 5
Obama - 5
McCain - 1

Right Intention

Those who want to ban abortion seek more government intrusion into the personal lives of the citizens. That’s wrong intention when it applies to moral issues.
Clinton - 5
Obama - 5
McCain - 1

Right Speech

Not enough information

Right Action

Neither Clinton or Obama voted when they could have made a statement about prohibiting funds for groups that perform abortions and McCain voted, but he voted wrong.
Clinton - 4
Obama - 4
McCain - 1

Total

Clinton - 14
Obama - 14
McCain - 3

Which candidates follow Right View, Intention, Action, and Speech?

The Buddha taught that the way to end suffering in our lives and others is to follow the Noble Eightfold Path. We’ll look at the first four elements of the Eightfold Path as they apply to the presidential candidates (in alphabetical order) Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and Barack Obama. The elements we’ll be looking at are:

1. Right View — do they have right understanding of the issues?
2. Right Intention — are their intentions noble?
3. Right Action — are they proposing the right action for the situation?
4. Right Speech — are they honest and what do they lie about?

Obviously, if the candidate doesn’t have correct understanding of the issues, it doesn’t matter if they have noble intentions, they’re not going to take the right action. If they don’t have noble intentions, we can’t count on them to take the right action in any case. We’ll also look at their honesty.

For those interested, the other four elements of the Noble Eightfold Path are:
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Concentration
8. Right Mindfulness

#6, 7, & 8 are related to the practice of meditation and mindfulness.

The Issues

The issues we’ll be looking at are Abortion, Economic stimulus, Education, Energy, Environment, Free trade, Guns, Health care, Homeland security, Housing, Immigration, Iran, Iraq, Same-sex marriage, Social Security, Stem cell research, and Taxes. That should keep us busy for a while.

Monday morning walking meditation

Mondays can be a shock to your system after a weekend of stress free activity. One way to ease into it is by engaging in a little walking meditation. Meditation helps clear the mind and relax the body. It puts our troubles and worries aside for a few minutes and can provide insight into how to deal with them effectively. For many, walking meditation may do more to relax the system than sitting meditation because there is more to be mindful of.

Our upstairs hallway is about 20 feet and there’s another fifteen or so feet into the bedroom at the end of the hallway. I combine the two for my walking meditation and use a recording of a gong to let me know when my session is up. I’ll provide links at the bottom of this post for the MP3s of gong sounds that you can download for free. You can also use an egg timer or even the timer on your cell phone. I like the sound of a gong because it’s less startling.

Ideally, you want the path to be a straight line but sometimes we have to make do with the space we have. For those not familiar with meditation, I’ll give some detail into how to get started.

If you’re using one of the downloaded gong timers, theres’ a 30 second delay before the start gong to allow you to position yourself and settle down a little. Begin by becoming aware of your breathing — specifically the sensation of air passing through your nostrils. When the gong sounds, begin walking slowly, noticing the feeling of the muscles in your feet. Slowly push up with your feet as you walk and observe the sensations. While walking, you can continue to observe the air flowing through your nostrils in the background of your consciousness, but keep your focus on walking in the foreground.

When you come to the end of your path, it is useful to turn around in a structured pattern. Like a swimmer swimming laps, there are techniques to learn to keep the flow smooth. It also gives you something extra to concentrate on, which is one reason walking meditation can be easier than sitting meditation during stressful times.

Here is the technique I use for turning around:

Here are some links for the gong timers:
10 minute
20 minute
30 minute

The new party of political correctness

The latest national feigned outrage is over Barack Obama’s statement that people are bitter and cling to guns or religion. Any statement that even remotely suggests something negative about religion or guns during election campaigns is met with vehement opposition, no matter what the actual intention. This is a continuation of the “war on Christmas” or the “war on Christianity.”

During the 1980s especially, we had political correctness from the left. Everyone had to accept homosexuality with open arms and were forced to wear colorblind glasses. Everyone was equally capable, regardless or their actual abilities.

Now, it’s the religious right that is “oppressed.” They are victims of the “rabid left” as I’ve heard it called by right wingers. And the media has pandered to their whims. Now the facts have to be balanced by the right-wing spin on the facts. Today, that is what is meant by fair and balanced.

Obama has apologized for his wording, but he was 100% correct when he said people cling to their religion, guns, and hatred for certain groups of people. To some, that is all they have and they’re afraid it will be taken away from them. The national debt is of no concern. The wars are of little concern as long as they don’t have to go fight. The economy is of little concern. Unemployment usually results in increased crime, but that’s okay as long as they have their guns.

We’ve seen what happens when religion gets integrated into politics and the suffering that results. Some say we need even more religion in politics. With religion in politics, we have bigger government and more government intrusions into our lives. Our founding fathers specifically wanted a separation of church and state. As Thomas Jefferson wrote, “Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man & his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.”

But people cling to their religion because they are afraid. In the news today, the story is the Obama’s statement about religion may be a turning point. If not for all the feigned outrage and our “liberal media” hounding this story, most people wouldn’t have even been aware of it. Where is the outrage over the fact that we’ve been at war and occupying the nation of Iraq for some five years and John McCain still doesn’t know the difference between the Sunnis and the Shiites?

This country has some screwed up priorities.